The one where she waxes nostalgic.

Isn't it funny how certain scents jog your memory? A few days ago at Wal-Mart I did some mental math and figured I was running low on soap. I prefer bar soap, but that is neither here nor there. I picked up some Dove (original scent) and went on my way. I opened that bar of soap on Friday morning and by Friday afternoon the entire bathroom smelled of it's sweet fragrance. My grandmother has extremely sensitive skin, and has always used Dove. It didn't really 'register' until I smelled the scent. It took me back to when I was a kid. Spending summers at her house, helping her cook, reading for hours curled up in the living room with her, playing educational board games when I was having trouble getting math and so much more.
A day later my husband and I stopped at Lowe's for some contact cement for a project we were starting. The smell of lumber instantly took me to my friend Sacha's house, which is rich with raw lumber accents and fresh drywall. My heart ached because I miss her so bad.
Lilies of the Valley grew next to the house where I was raised. The smell of them still take me back. Oh the hours my best friend and I played 'spy' and hide and seek. The times we picked them by the handfulls to give to teachers, our parents, and other unsuspecting victims.
Scents can make anyplace feel like home.

The one where she ponders the meaning of blogs ...

Ok not really. I will however ponder the meaning of motherhood on occassion. *gets out soapbox*
Why do people think that parenting is anything but a job? Take for instance the governments latest tax 'rebate'. I am not eligible for a break because I was not 'employed' last year. Umm excuse me? I spent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week feeding, changing, bathing, and caring for 2 infants. Yet in the governments eyes I did nothing. I certainly worked harder than many 'full time' employed people I personally know. Stay-at-home parents really get the shaft sometimes. No I'm not going to turn this into a stay-at-home vs. working parent discussion ... I've done both. Hats off to all. I just want to know what it takes for mothers and fathers to get some recognition for putting their heart and soul, something the average American does not do, into their job each and every day? My children are happy, healthy and well-adjusted. They have every chance in this world to grow up to be contributing members of this society and I get 'hey sorry, but you didn't bring in an income so we're gonna have to cut you out of this perk'. Oh so sorry, but I was busy at home making sure this country has a future ... maybe next time I'll work a bit harder.
*gets of soapbox*

Anybody want some cake?

The one in which she wonders if she's a bad mother.

So I *think* Addison has an ear infection, at the very least an ear ache. This morning she has been very whiny, occasionally screaming and crying. A few hours after it all began I noticed her sticking her finger in her ear, tugging on it, and laying it down on a pillow.
Only then did I think to take her temp. 101.8 ... this is when I receive the nomination for 'Worst Mother of the Year'.
I call my DH (who is helping his father), and explain that I think she needs to go to StatCare. MIL offers to keep Payton so we can both go. DH packs up, comes home and we get Addison ready. One 25 minute trip later, we hit StatCare only to find out it's a 3+ hour wait to even see a nurse, let alone a doctor. We leave ... this is when I actually win the 'Worst Mother of the Year' award.
In my defense, after the Tylenol kicked in, she became a different kid. Laughing, smiling, talking, playing ... so why do I feel like crap.
DH and I decided if she does get worse we'll call the on call ped. and see what she says. Now I just need to figure out where to display my trophy :(

The one where she reflects on the birthday party.

Our party is done and over. I think the girls had an ok time, regardless of certain situations I will not bore you with here.

Some highlights ...

One Year in Pictures ...

It's been awhile ...

I haven't had much time to post lately. I can't imagine why. Two sick kids, planning a birthday party, working ... I should have lots of free time right? I wish.

This is gonna be long one ...

Just a little background to set up my story ...
DH grew up in the house we currently live in. He bought it from his mom and dad when they decided to build a new house in my home town.
We've since redecorated and renovated almost every room. I wish I had before and afters, but we don't. Here are a few of my favorite rooms.

Payton's Bedroom (originally had green carpeting, wallpapered walls with "Bless This Home" border)



Addison's Bedroom (originally had peach carpet, wallpapered walls, then green walls and hardwood floors, finishing up as below)



The Kitchen (originally had white cabinets with green insets, carpet and white walls)




The Bathroom (originally had green patterned wallpaper with pink hearts ... yah)




Our bedroom (originally had all white walls)



The Living Room (originally had white walls, with an accent wall covered in dark green wallpaper, dark green border all around, and green carpet)




As you can see, we've done a lot of work. I'm proud of our home and happy to show it off.

Whiny Dancer

Poor little Payton just hasn't been feeling up to par lately. No sick per say, just off. She cries or whines a lot these days, all starting on Monday when the flu hit. I feel so bad, because nothing I do really seems to help. Hopefully she feels better by Friday for our big party. Keep your fingers crossed.

I can't believe ...

that in a little over a week my babies will be a year old.



God has blessed the parents of twins with a very selective memory. I've talked to other moms of multiples and the theme seems to be the same. We are all so busy the first year of our children's lives that so much is forgotten. The first 3-4 months is literally a blur. My family will talk about things that happend, and I can't remember them in the least. We've come to the conclusion that's it's a survival mechanism.
I'm sad I missed so much, and yet wouldn't trade it for the world.

I want another baby.

Someday.

Are you sick of me yet?

I've learned one thing. Boredom leads to blogging. It's not necessarily 'good' blogging, but blogging no less.

Chapter One- Have we learned nothing? Here are a few pictures of ways the girls entertained themselves today. Notice it involves the curio cabinet, the Care Bears and yelling.




Chapter Two- I love to shop! Nothing feels better than getting a fantastic deal. This weeks deal involved 31 pairs of socks, 2 fleece jackets, 2 Christmas shirts for next year, 4 tank tops, 1 thermal shirt, a thermal hoodie and 2 winter coats (also for next year). All this coming to a grand total of ... *drumroll* $58.49!
Here are pics of the girls coats for next winter ...





PS- The winter coats ended up being $9.99 each!

Can you help us?

Wanted: Carter's Just One Year Plush Rattle My First Doll



Poor little Payton loves her baby. We have 2 (one for home and one for daycare, thank goodness) but I'm searching for another one. Geebee wants one for her house and they don't sell this particular one in the stores anymore. I've found it on Ebay, but I refuse to pay $20.00+ for a stuffed doll I don't need. Now if I *had* to have it, yes. But this is just for the sake of convenience. It can have brown hair or blonde, but it must be this style.
The ones in the stores currently are a bit smaller and have different 'outfits' ... she totally noticed the difference LOL.
If you have any information, please let me know! Thanks!

The flu ...

I woke up with the stomach flu around 11:00pm Christmas Eve. Christmas day was a jumble of being sick, trying to enjoy my daughter's first big holiday and family.
Last night my husband caught the bug. I spent half a restless night listening to his various bodily functions and the other half tossing and turning in my daughter's room listening to her cough.
7:30 this morning when I went to wake up Miss Payton to get her ready for daycare I noticed something on her sheets. I flipped the light on, only to discover the poor little peanut had been sick, and spent the entire night laying in her own vomit. It wasn't anything too horrible, mostly undigested green beans and carrots, but I felt horrible. My poor, poor baby.
I called off work to keep on eye on her, and while she is very fussy, she seems to be ok. She ate a bit, played and bit, and is now napping. Hopefully this afternoon goes better and both of my girls feel better and more like their happy, go-lucky selves.

A moment of bitching ...

This blog is about my gas bill ...
So 4 months ago I open my bill (which came late as usual) only to find out it was our 'settle up month'. No biggie. Sure. We're on the budget, which had been adjusted a few times over the year to account for rising prices. Imagine my shock when my total balance due was $403.14. I don't know about you, but I budget our money down to the penny, know when each and every bill can be paid, and pray we have enough for groceries at the end. I couldn't understand how our $130.00 budget could blow us out of the water in the end. I didn't have an extra $300.00 to send them. So I call to talk to a friendly representative. She informs me we make too much money for 'assitance' but we can set up a 6 month payment plan. Cool. So we pay our monthly bill plus an extra $67.19/month. Then we find out we can't be on the budget while being on the plan at the same time.
I won't lie, our bills have been high, but manageable. Until this month. Yesterday afternoon as I was sorting our mail and noticed it had come again (late as usual). Holy hell our bill is $337.98!
Now let me think back to the day when I called to inform them I couldn't afford to pay $400.00 in one month. Now what do I do? We're already on a payment plan ... and now we're strapped with this.
We'll figure it out, we always do, but it makes you go hmmmmm doesn't it?

Juliana

I never got the chance to meet Juliana, but she changed my world. It's funny how people can do that ya know? She was a blessing, not only to me, and my other mommy friends, but to her mommy and daddy most of all. This past year has been full of emotions, some good, some bad. But Juliana has made us all take a step back and realize that whatever happens, we're here, and we're capable of a love so powerful and strong it can reach the heavens. Happy Birthday beautiful girl, I hope your angel party is as gorgeous as you.

Porn

No this isn't about my obsession to porn, or DH's (we truly don't have one LOL), or a confession that I used to be in porn ... it's a story about my first day in the classroom. We have 15, very active, students enrolled in our class. 12 of which are boys. Yah. In any case as we sit down for circle time, my co-teacher is doing her thing (calendar, weather, etc ...) and I'm sitting beside the only 2 girls in our classroom for this day, one who calls me Dr. Kendra (insert dramatic pause here). We finish circle time with no incident, play a game, and just settle down for our 'sharing activity' when the little girl on my right looks up at me and says .... "My mommy's video goes Bow Chicka Wow Wow".

At this point, this is me.

Thinking it couldn't possibly be the way it sounded and my gutter mind was working overtime, I decided to let it go. But she continued. "She watches it in her room at night after my brother and I go to bed. Sometimes I hear it though because I don't fall asleep fast". So what does the fantastic teacher of the year do ... I start to giggle. The poor little thing is looking at me like I just lost my marbles.
So after we were done, I told my co-teacher the story and we had a good laugh. The moral of the story? Keep your tvs turned down, and never believe your 4 year old will use any discretion.
Oh and just an FYI, this story is only second to the time one of my 3 year olds came in, only to tell every single person who walked in the door ... "I took a shower with my mommy this morning, she has a hairy butt."

A big sigh of relief ...

The girls did fantastic today. Thank goodness. I went in early so I could get them settled and my plan was to stay until snack time (which is 9:00 the time I start in my class) and then while they were distracted sneak out. Well I walked in, put them on the floor and realized Addi has tossed her hat in the car. So I walked about to get it and when I came back both were perfectly happy checking out the other kids. So I headed back to my room.
They had a few meltdowns (break time due to a different teacher) and lunchtime (very sleepy) but they were better behaved than the other kids LOL. Tomorrow may be a different story, so we'll see. I feel a bit better, but still have some anxieties.
Addi didn't really eat lunch and didn't take a nap at all but stayed happy all day. Payton took an hour nap and ate like a champ. So hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

T-12 hours and counting ....

Tomorrow my girls will attend 'big girl school' (aka daycare) for the first time ever. This is one nervous mommy.
I've be reassured by every one of my co-workers that they will be ok. DH thinks they'll do great and make new friends, my boss says not to dread it so much. And I just tear up and walk away.


Children and mothers never truly part -
Bound in the beating of each other's heart.
- Charlotte Gray

The dawn of a new day ...

Or rather night before a new hell. Tomorrow I start work, full time. I'm excited on one hand. My income will greatly improve our life. Not that we are 'hard up' now, but we'll be able to have fun again! Although I do have to admit (somewhat begrudgingly) that we have yet had to pass up on an opportunity due to lack of funds. I'm a great money shifter I guess. This will however allow us to pay off some debt faster and in turn allow us more freedom.
On to my other hand. I'm so very sad I will be missing such wonderful time with my girls. To this point (and I know I'm very lucky for it) I've been witness to every major (and minor) milestone they've accomplished. I feel like a failure, even though I know in my heart, this is the best thing for our family at this time. They will have a good time at 'school'. They will be loved, and spoiled, and lavished with more attention than I can give them alone. Their caretakers are fabulous women who love their babies more than any person ought to (with the exception of parents themselves).
The kicker, I'm really not sad about working, I'm just upset I have to put the girls in daycare. We're going to have a lot of rough days to start with, and my excellent schedule will be right out the window. But what are you going to do?
So tomorrow, as I leave my house, please think of me. The girls do not start until Thursday, but my heart will be breaking the moment I step out of this house. Irrational fears aside, I know I'm still a great mommy.

The fall of Love-A-Lot Bear

Above is a picture of one of my prized possessions ... my Care Bears. My grandmother bought them for me years ago. I was little, and thought they were the greatest thing ever. I've never seen another set, and we've never bothered to look up the value, but to me they are priceless.
Fast forward 25+ years, and I still love my Care Bears. They have been given a place of honor in my curio cabinet, even against my DH's protests they are ugly, happy, bears. My twins are fascinated with them. They love them. They sit and 'talk' to them a lot.
So this morning as I'm checking my favorite website and I hear a clanging, it took a few seconds to register. Within a breath I knew ... it was the sound of 2 of my precious Care Bears being smashed together. Up like a flash I flew into the hall. There was Payton gleefully banging Love-A-Lot and Cheer Bear together like a prepubescent cymbol player in a high school marching band.
I grabbed them, told her 'no no' placed them back in the cabinet and redirected their energy elsewhere before observing the damage. I thought I would cry, or at least be upset. I laughed. What a fantastic story. They are even more precious to me today than they have ever been.